Do it.
It took many years to put myself back together after the complex PTSD of my childhood. I’m sure I’ll continue to heal my whole lifelong. If you’ve made it this far on my site, you’ve learned that dreams come true for those who work. And that growing is painful but worth it. Honestly, you’re in pain anyway if you don’t take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror. The best gift you can give yourself, is to get out of your own way. Check your ego and get the Recovering Perfectionist wagon with me. I fall off from time to time, and so will you, but that’s all part of the journey. So long as you have supportive people in your life who will offer a hand to pull you back on, you’ll be A-okay. And when you’re not okay, because sometimes we are all not okay, guess what? It’s okay! Feelings pass. They never stay forever. Hold on and press against the storm (shameless plug for my upcoming single, Press Against the Storm on the Through the Storm album).
Creative Resilience: Story, Music, Art, Therapy came to me after realizing that I needed all the art forms to put myself back together.
Story
I needed stories to inform me of how things could be, even difficult traumatic stories, so I could see possibilities of healing from the safety of my reading nook. I needed the space on a page to tell my own story and see it from a new perspective, in a safe place where I wasn’t in danger anymore and could process what had happened to me, and then decide on what I’d like to be different now, and what power I possessed to make the changes I needed. Reading and writing actually changes your brain structure. In short, when you read and write, it creates new neural pathways, it’s like you’re performing your very own brain surgery!
Music
I needed melodies and the rhythms of music to rewire my neural pathways in all the nooks and crannies that words alone couldn’t access. I needed that deeper level of expression and healing that music provides. Each time I encountered a highly charged emotional event, a song would come and pick me up and dust me off. Writing music and singing my songs has helped to empower my voice and deepened my understanding of life. I’m very grateful to artists like Joni Mitchell, Sara Bareilles, Tracy Chapman, Jewel, and Sarah McLachlan.
Art
I needed the tactile feeling of wet paint as I pushed it around the canvas. The crinkling sound of paper as I balled it up and shaped it. Art gave me the ability to give voice to feelings and thoughts that were long buried and too dangerous to speak aloud. The human body can only contain so much until it leaks into disease. By putting my pain literally Out There on the canvas, on paper, on cereal boxes, and whatever other trash I could get my hands on, I was able to non-surgically remove painful tumors from inside my body, metaphorically, and also I believe, preventatively.
Therapy
I needed to be able to talk to someone objective, who wouldn’t tell my parents all the bad things I needed to say out loud. Someone who could hold space for me to vent, cry, process, express, expel, and release all my stocked shelves of scars. Seriously, I had scars growing over my scars. So while I’ve developed a very tough skin, there comes a point in one’s life where it’s a blessing to be vulnerable.
I used to plan everything, but now I trust myself that I can handle whatever comes and take care of myself as needed.
There are many different therapists and forms of therapy. If you try one and don’t feel like you clicked with them, don’t give up; try another therapist. Remember that they are people and we all have different personalities and clinical styles. Find what works for you.
Throughout my training as a clinician, I learned that a person has to be ready to look in the mirror before they can do the really transformative work. That can take time, be patient with yourself.
There can’t be rainbows without rain.
Much Love and Light,
